![]() ![]() ![]() This “aha” moment (which, in my experience, usually involves months of crying in my apartment) strips away the optimism you had about reaching your goal and helps you to reevaluate whether it was achievable after all.Ĭan you trigger these moments of self-examination before a full-blown action crisis? “It’s a difficult question,” says Wrosch. To break this spell, most people go through something called an “ action crisis” - a dramatic turning point when the tension between lack of progress and wanting to persist becomes too much to bear. But the problem, according to Wrosch, is that “it can be difficult to de-commit” even when all signs indicate you should. On the one hand, this is an important step in accomplishing anything: You have to make it a priority. “People put more value on the chosen goal, they become more optimistic about being able to reach that goal, and they devalue other goals,” says Wrosch. ![]() You start to identify with your path, and you can’t imagine your life without it. Once you cross the Rubicon, it’s hard to go back. It’s the same thing when we commit to a partner, put down roots in a particular city, or adopt a habit such as exercising. “People cross the Rubicon when they decide to pursue a certain goal and not another one, like becoming a journalist and not a psychologist,” he explains. He cites a popular psychological theory called the “ Rubicon model of action phases,” which hinges on an important life transition - known as the “Rubicon passage” - when we go from considering our options to actively chasing after one of them. Carsten Wrosch, a psychology professor at Concordia University who has researched the effects of goal setting on mental and physical health. “What you first need to understand is why it can be difficult to give up on goals,” says Dr. How do you pinpoint that spot or at least get better at recognizing it? But there’s a big gray area between “easy” and admitting it’s time to move on. “If this was easy, anyone could do it,” said every terrible boss and sports coach I’ve ever had. We’re taught it’s good to challenge yourself and lazy to throw in the towel too quickly. The problem is it’s hard to know when to quit. A few years ago, I gave notice to quit a dead-end job and then stuck around for six more months because I promised to help find my own replacement. I’ve wasted immeasurable time and energy dragging my heels, determined that I could wow everyone (or at least not disappoint them) if I just kept going - and going. Looking back on all the things I eventually quit, my only regret is I didn’t do it sooner. After all, isn’t every success story littered with setbacks, a battle of stamina versus everyone else’s ambivalence? Didn’t Beyoncé lose Star Search and Oprah get fired from her first TV job? Quitting is a sign you lack resilience and fortitude, or so I was raised to believe. Bad relationships, toxic workplaces, demanding sports - I’ve hung on for months and even years longer than I should have, convinced the situation would improve if I refused to give up. Not to brag, but I’m pretty good at sticking with things even when they get hard. Photo-Illustration: by The Cut Photo: Getty Images ![]()
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